“Are you wearing that?” is leaving Substack

I hoped my goodbye newsletter would be accompanied by exciting news about what’s to come. Instead I am writing to let you know I have to stop writing this newsletter to save myself. Although I do not know what the future holds, which is as terrifying to feel as it is to write, I am no longer interested in pursuing novelty, which has only led to monotony in my interior and creative life. I must disrupt the merry-go-round of nostalgia for what this newsletter once was. I am abandoning the catastrophe before it finishes its crystallization.

This letter is to say goodbye with a glimpse into the dreams I currently have for my future and all the dreams that will come later — not through the lens of mortality and afterlife or my child and descendants but rather an anticipation for a future where I am alive and living. What I mean is that I wish to abandon the illusion of a future I once painstakingly built, so I can instead experience my life in the front seat, and not on the perils of this existence or, horrifyingly, the afterlife, if one exists.

I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this newsletter. Dressing some of you who also read this newsletter has been, in some ways, a transcendent experience. It enriched the writings here and also helped me connect with complicated characters in my life who previously only existed in my fragmented memories. Who would have thought theorizing on and communing with clothes would help me access once out-of-reach aspects of my ancestry, heritage and cultural traditions? For these things, I am eternally grateful for your gracious audience.

But this newsletter has also had its limitations, and I am ready to encounter the unknown, trusting in the magic of everything I have created, rather than squandering my existence cunningly seeking visibility and gravest of all, validation. It is time again to be vulnerable, with total trust in my curiosity and intuition. I am intrigued to discover whether something else can affect me as this newsletter once did. 

Recently, someone asked how I deal with the contradiction of working in the fashion industry and my politics. I said: by remembering that the clothes are just as important as they aren’t, just like I am; by confronting the unsavory truth that this platform, where most of us aim to sell you things, is at the very least a site for fostering shopping addictions, and its worst, intrinsically connected to creating inadequacies within myself and the audience. 

While I have worked to address these contradictions in the topics I wrote about, it is also true that the stifling expectation to maintain momentum and ensure financial success encourages wearing clothes that captivate, ceaselessly recommending the never-before-seen and reviewing what else there is to buy. The audience is trapped in a vicious loop of inadequately matching these ideals, and is cursed with an unsated desire to identify with caricatures of both people and ideologies. The tacit agreement is to interact (flaunt) for visibility, entertain to hold your attention, and maybe even educate (if I got to it). The goal is spectacle for sensation and profit. 

Despite all this output on this platform, we still predominantly produce a laughable lack of curiosity, an inability to make fine distinctions, and frigid imaginations where no nuance exists. We have turned play into vanity projects disguised as committed endeavors. It should frighten us that most of us have willingly accepted the new status quo where we are the product. When do we find time for curiosity, play, vivid imagination, and worthwhile invention if we must be all of these things to achieve financial sustenance and, for some of us, social relevance? We have settled for second-rate goals which inevitably produce second-rate ideas. Even those with better intentions have fallen for the pursuit of the never-before-written, which have nurtured the conditions for mutilated intelligence to thrive, where every terrorizing thought is immediately coined into something marketable and thoughtful criticism is dismissed under the guise of “letting people enjoy things.” On the other hand, the promise of virality has manufactured new fears, while discouraging invention, experimentation, and testing for new ideas. What is the reward for trying if 6000 people applauded the first time and they’d accept the same subject if you can find new synonyms for the title and repeat the same findings ad nauseam? 

I am closing “are you wearing that?” because I have outgrown what this platform offers my writing practice. In fact, it is in opposition to any kind of meaningful work I wish to focus on. I have squandered the last fifteen months resisting any transitions by passively waiting for clarity on when to leave and how. I must end my writing here because the clarity I seek is in closing this chapter. You will hear from me when I am ready. In the meantime, I sign off with gratitude to all of you who have supported, challenged and delighted me. I am so lucky to have found work that frustrates me as much as it thrills me. You have honoured and preserved me with your steadfast support through your readership counsel, and some of you, friendship. (My warmest gratitudes to those who maintained their paid subscriptions while I resolved my dissonance.)

I will dedicate some of my time to styling full time while intuitively designing a new writing practice. The work of one-on-one styling has invited me into the lives of many to whom I extend the rest of my gratitude. Although I cannot promise that what comes next will interest you, I hope you will meet this new process with curiosity when I am ready to share. And while I am uncomfortable with the unknown and having no answers, I am committed to designing this future with delusional imagination, responsibility, steadfastness, and affection. 

I found a perfect articulation for the future I hope to design in the lyrical prose of Toni Morrison’s  “The Source of Self-Regard.” She says:

If scientific language is about longer individual life in exchange for an ethical one; if political agenda is the  xenophobic protection of a few families against catastrophic others; if religious language is discredited as contempt for the nonreligious; if secular language bridles in fear of the sacred; if market language is merely an excuse for inciting greed; if the future of knowledge is not wisdom but ‘upgrade,’ where might we look for humanity’s own future? Isn't it reasonable to assume that, projecting earthly human life into the far distant future may not be the disaster movie we have come to love, but a reconfiguration of what we are here for? To lessen suffering, to raise the bar? To stand one removed from timeliness, like an artist encouraging reflection, stoking imagination, mindful of the long haul and putting his or her life on the line, to imagine work in a world worthy of life? Sentient life is original and very hard.

If you made it this far, thank you. I have a few requests:

1. I hoped my website would be complete by the time of this announcement but alas I am still dreaming of what that might look like. In the meantime, here is my current website where you can learn about what services I offer. You can email me at contact@subrinaheyink.info with serious inquiries for my styling services or fill out the contact form on the website. I have refrained from marketing this aspect of my job since it has naturally replenished itself, but I am now explicitly asking you to hire me so that I may continue to sustain myself. 

2. I have paywalled my archive for the next 30 days. I will be deactivating this account by August 1st. 

3. If you can financially afford to support this newsletter for the month of July, I would deeply appreciate it as I navigate this transition. You will have access to my archives until August 1st. If you have a yearly subscription and would like to either donate a portion or all of your remaining balance to support my transition, please email me at heyinksubrina@gmail.com. If not I will be initiating refunds by July 31st.

4. I will cancel all subscriptions by July 31st.

5. I have exported my subscriber list for future announcements and updates. If you wish to opt out, you can do so when you receive your first email from me. Thank you.